The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .

However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your Bonuses heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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